Say Cheese!

I may be a vegetarian, but I love good animal products. Don't get me wrong, if it ever had eyes, I just don't eat it. However if the animal is still living and I get to partake of it's byproducts you'll find me digging in. I try to stay away as much as possible for health reasons, but one thing I love is CHEESE!

I find myself today in the lovely city of Portland, Oregon with a very dear friend of mine. We are having a delightful time. We indulged for lunch today and enjoyed grapes, bread and cheese, including some of my favs: Mozzarella, Gouda and Jarlsberg. I love Gouda because of the smoked flavor and Jarlsberg for the texture as well as the light Swiss flavor and Mozzarella for the melting capabilities (although we didn't do that today). Yum! 

Here's Mary and I enjoying each other's company.  

Empty

Funny thing pain. It makes you act differently, it makes you think differently. It hurts. I don't like it. I don't like feeling alone. I don't like wanting to blog about something so someone, somewhere, just might read it and care. I don't like when I can see my own flaws and insecurities and not be able to fix them. I don't like pain, I don't like feeling alone. I don't like hurt or rejection. I don't like being not good enough. I don't like being forgotten.  I don't like that I don't like it, all of it, any of it. I wish I were stronger, tougher, had thicker skin.

I don't like when I try to embrace what I want to change it gets harder.

I do love the L-rd. I do trust Him. Even though I'm mad, even though I hurt real bad inside somehow I keep asking for more. I keep trusting. How can I keep trusting...I have so many reasons to not trust. It would be easier to just stop trusting.

I want change, but I want a change of season. I want happy, loving, and whatever is the opposite of rejection...I could really use a lot of that right now. Come on L-rd, seriously, where is it?

Gone

I lost something at work today. It had sentimental value. I was sad, but not shaken. I do know I'm loved. My heart is still a little sad. I think that's ok.

The name game

I've been encouraged by a few friends to make sweet treats for people that request them. Problem is, I need a name for this business of sorts. I'm not very good at coming up with things like this, so I'm asking for help. I want it to be approximately 2 words, something sounds clever.

I have a friend with a flower shop called Blue Bouquet and I once went to a jewelry store called the Peacock's Plume. I'm looking for something similar. Unique, that's easy to say and kind of makes you think. So let me know if you have any ideas. Once a get a few options I'll post a poll and see what everyone thinks. Thanks for your help.

Come L-rd, Come

This is Gabriel.

He is an amazing man of G-d, and a really dear friend of mine. He used to live here in KC and moved home to be near his family. More specifically his Dad (Ed Kellmer) who has a disease that mostly attacks his gut. He has battled cancer off an on and recently has become more accutely ill. He is now in pain almost all the time, not responding well to chemo or radiation, and is in great need of a miracle.

This is Ed and Lynn.

Gabe came down this weekend to attend a wedding and for some much needed time away. We were able to pray for him and his Dad and my heart became even more burdened for them. The Kellmer's are a G-d fearing family and believe that a miracle is possible. 

Please partner with me to pray for healing for Ed and strength for all the Kellmer fam.

Giver, giver, giver

I've recently had a revelation about myself. This is not uncommon but I found this one particularly interesting. I feel like I'm a fairly self aware person and when I have a revelation about myself that seems large it strikes me off guard.

So I come from a community that emphasizes the redemptive gifts (Arthur Burke). I love this largely because the focus is on your birthright. If we know our birthright, as well as the attacks against it we can call each other into the fullness of what the L-rd has made us to be. As well as help each other fight the biggest battles set against us. This being said I feel my redemptive gift is that of a giver.

There is a lot involved in all of the giftings, but yes, it is what is sounds...I like to give. I like to give as much as I can whenever I can. Creative gifts, money gifts, food gifts, time gifts, thoughtful gifts, gifts that will bless the person I'm giving them to, and gifts that bless me to give them.

So I've realized that the 5 love languages (Dr. Gary Chapman) also come into play when analyzing my gift. I have 2 other friends that also claim this giver status. First there's Cassie...she's real good at giving gifts. She will paint your wall, build a kitchen for your daughter, design your business card, or make you a pair of earrings. She's creative, intelligent and thoughtful, she likes to give and receive gifts. Then there's Justin....he's amazing at acts of service. He's always there if you need him, he'll cut your grass, give you a ride, or help you move. He loves it when people do him a favor or help him out, he likes to give and receive acts of service.

Then there's me. If you know me you're probably aware that touch is my number one love language. I've most likely hugged you, touched your arm or your shoulder, played with your hair (if you're a girl) etc. So I thought I like to give and receive touch.

I don't like it when people are hurting. I love it when people are able to step out of their comfort zone and do something challenging. And if you've done something awesome that WAY deserves to be noticed. All of the above win words of affirmation from Jess (and probably a hug as well).

This also means if my encouragement is shot down, it hurts. I feel rejected, like my gift of me wasn't good enough. Wow...I didn't even know that was possible. I didn't know I was giving me, I guess. It makes me realize the power of the tongue and that when I use it, it's for the person I'm speaking to, and for myself as well.

I like to give, I also love people, if I can give myself to people that would be the ultimate gift. I do that through words of encouragement. I don't usually have eloquent words like my friends Jack or Bill. And I'm not amazing at writing or expression like my friends Leah or Susan. But if you're going though a hard time, number one you can almost always count on me to pray for you and give you a hug or a pat on the back, but I will also do my best to give you words of affirmation.

Well, that's all...I thought it was interesting, maybe you did too. If not, I promise, my next post will be way less narcissistic.