It's ok if you don't want to know

I love my job. Love, love my job, but sometimes it's hard. People don't want to know about when it's hard, because it makes them sad. Today I feel alone. 

Today was hard. Really hard. I'm a verbal processor. What do I do with that? I guess I don't know who cares to know so I'm saying it here, where I don't know who will know.

Kids are a blessing, and I love them. I know too many of them that are already with Yeshua. I miss Wyatt. Wyatt is a great name. It's a strong name. I'm glad I knew him. I miss other kids too. I hurt for other parents that have to say goodbye too soon. Sometimes that is the part that hurts the most. I'm thankful I get to work with so many people that care so much.

Boasting on my beloved

Thanksgiving was hard...I wasn't prepared. I knew I would need more time with the L-rd and I had less. I didn't put on my armor. I didn't do warfare, and I was on a serious battleground. I did some things right. I did a lot of things wrong. I got home and I was wrestling pretty hard inside.

Sunday morning...serious time with Yeshua. I felt better, I repented. I will do warfare in the future. I will remember to put on my armor. I will be prepared. Thank you Father for letting this lesson not be bigger than it could have been.

I was still feeling yuck. I kept asking for a new...something. I know His mercies are new every morning, I know I'm forgiven. But it was my dang emotions. I wanted to FEEL clean.

I've been hanging out with my roommate lately, it's been a real blessing. I really like her. I'm thankful for her. She goes to a small community called the gathering. I've been going, mostly because I want the relationship with her, but I have no emotional ties there...yet. Sunday she was still out of town but, I wanted to go, really bad. Thanks to life, it was a difficult day to get there, but I made it.

The worship blessed my heart. The message was incredible. Forgiveness, the L-rd's prayer, Mathew 18 - 70x7, the king's forgiveness. I kept feeling the presence of the L-rd...holding back the tears. Practical ways to live out forgiveness. SO GOOD!

I felt clean. I had a great day yesterday, worshiping the L-rd. Basking in the overflow. I am so blessed to be loved by Him. Then, small thing, I wrote on Jon Thurlow's facebook wall that I wanted to hear the Peter song. A song he wrote about Peter denying the L-rd. It's powerful, but it's not on any album, and he doesn't play it much. So sometimes I ask him...via facebook, to please play it, and eventually he does.

This morning I woke up and got ready, I sat down at my computer, turn on the prayer room webstream. Jon is playing, I start to enter in. Then...he plays it. The Peter song. Instant tears. Presence of the L-rd, so strong. I'm undone!

L-rd, You're so good. You love me so well. You know my heart. I'm so in love with You.

May the L-rd bless you with the little things that will make your heart feel alive. May you know that you are His beloved, and that He delights to bless your socks off. May you feel Him, right now and be blessed.

More Zade

I forgot I had this treasure...I'm home sick today...so lots of computer time. I'm learning how to use my camera for filming...so it's not great. But you'll get the point.

Enjoy!

Just in case

...you're not on facebook, I need to share this darling love of mine.

In the words of Melissa Yoh.....YOU'RE WELCOME!