Funny thing pain. It makes you act differently, it makes you think differently. It hurts. I don't like it. I don't like feeling alone. I don't like wanting to blog about something so someone, somewhere, just might read it and care. I don't like when I can see my own flaws and insecurities and not be able to fix them. I don't like pain, I don't like feeling alone. I don't like hurt or rejection. I don't like being not good enough. I don't like being forgotten. I don't like that I don't like it, all of it, any of it. I wish I were stronger, tougher, had thicker skin.
I don't like when I try to embrace what I want to change it gets harder.
I do love the L-rd. I do trust Him. Even though I'm mad, even though I hurt real bad inside somehow I keep asking for more. I keep trusting. How can I keep trusting...I have so many reasons to not trust. It would be easier to just stop trusting.
I want change, but I want a change of season. I want happy, loving, and whatever is the opposite of rejection...I could really use a lot of that right now. Come on L-rd, seriously, where is it?
i am here and i care! i don't pretend to know exactly how you feel, but i will pray for you.
ReplyDeleteyou don't have to be tough. there's nowhere in the Bible that esteems "toughness". only strength. and that only comes from Him. you're on the right track with trusting ;)
bless you.
amen, jess.
ReplyDeleteKeep trusting... and letting Him hold your heart. - lauren
ReplyDeleteCarlye you are so sweet. I don't know you very well, but I love you. I wish you lived closer.
ReplyDeleteLeah I love you.
Lauren you are blessing, I love you too.